


there is suffering too terrible to name

by iamirondad



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark Coparenting Peter Parker, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23708818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamirondad/pseuds/iamirondad
Summary: When Tony returned home, it wasn't Steve who greeted him, it was a sleep-deprived May, who wanted to know where their kid was.(What if May had survived the snap?)
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 241





	there is suffering too terrible to name

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tweet](https://twitter.com/icstarkids/status/1251278284199002115), by the lovely @icstarkids.
> 
> I've used a few indirect lines from the comic book, 'The Death of Spider-Man,' just thought I'd leave a warning, for anyone who is avoiding comic book spoilers.

Tony was naive.

He thought that his life was finally starting to go somewhere. For the first time in forever, he wasn’t just surviving, he was living.

He was getting married to his dream girl, who loved him for who he was.

He had two fantastic best friends, who’d never let him down.

He’d somehow adopted an energetic teenager, with the dopiest smile and an inherent obsession with the 'Star Wars' Universe.

Hand-in-hand with his kid came the kid’s aunt. She honestly terrified him a little. It was like having an older sister that he'd never asked for but always needed.

The strength it took for him, to let all those people in, was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He had spent so long pushing people away, but these were the ones, that latched on, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Tony was blind-sighted. By love and compassion, that he’d been deprived of.

He knew a threat like Thanos was coming, that was why he invented the _Iron Spider_ suit for Peter, and the nano suit for himself. He prepared for the worst-case scenario, but the constant crippling fear that something huge was coming, took a backbench.

He had been happy, for once. That couldn’t be his fault, but it definitely felt like it was.

Maybe if he’d stayed as vigilant as he’d once been, his kid wouldn’t have disappeared in his arms, galaxies away from home, begging to be saved.

_And if you died, I feel like that’s on me._

Tony let Peter in.

He loved him, with everything he had, and it wasn’t enough.

It didn’t save him.

He cradled Peter in his arms, held on as tight as he possibly could, and he still slipped away.

 _Into ash, into nothing_.

Almost like he’d never been there in the first place.

Tony drifted through space, with a stranger turned friend, for a month. He didn’t even know if he had a home to get back to. There was no saying who had lived and who had died.

Peter was dead, and that grief could silence the multiverse. He was one of the greatest things that the universe had ever come together to create, and it didn’t even stop for a second, to mourn him.

That was wrong.

Tony fought to get back to earth, but part of him was relieved that the engines failed. A small slither, that didn’t want to see what awaited him. He couldn’t face a world where Peter Parker didn’t exist.

He didn’t want to find out what else he’d lost. Conflictingly, maybe the rest of his family survived, and they were waiting for him to come home. If that were true, they were waiting for Peter too, and he would never come.

Tony’s mind turned to May, almost every hour or so. The woman who lost her husband, and still went out of her way to give her nephew the life he deserved. Someone who put up with the superhero bullshit, as long as Peter returned at the end of the day, unscathed.

This would shatter her.

 _So_ , when Carol Danvers, turned up outside the ship, to take him home, he didn’t know how to feel.

He didn’t know what he wanted.

Except for Peter, safe and sound, by his side.

It was dark, when they landed, on the field outside the Headquarters.

Tony’s chest seized up, and everything felt wrong.

The moment he went outside, it was like, he was accepting what had happened. Allowing himself, to step back into his life, without his kid.

He was shaking, and his legs didn’t work, that’s what a month of malnutrition and grief will do to you. Nebula helped, by holding onto his arm.

He could see familiar faces.

Rhodey was standing with Bruce and Natasha.

Near them, was Pepper, _his Pepper,_ she was alive.

Steve was heading over, but another figure charged past him. It took a lot to be faster than a supersoldier. Primarily, enhanced abilities.

It wasn’t that.

It was a sleep-deprived aunt, who wanted to know where her kid was. It is known that a mother can lift a car when their baby is in danger. May’s moment of power, came in her desperation for Peter to be _safe_.

“Tony.” She wheezed, out of breath.

With a trembling hand, she locked her fingers around his wrist and guided him down the last step. Caught up in the euphoria of seeing him, she didn’t realise the reality.

“I—” He involuntarily jerked, a few seconds away from collapsing. He reached up, grabbing her arm, for stability.

Silence fell.

He stared at the ground, for a good five seconds, before looking up at her.

Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her lower lip was shaking, but she stood straight, trying not to buckle under it all.

Tony gasped, struggling for air, “I—” He crumbled, “I lost our kid.”

May shook her head frantically, “No.”

Tony choked, on their loss, on the stench of the world without their beautifully inquisitive teenager, “May, I’m—”

Her face contorted, “Oh God.” She shuddered, “Not him.” She stumbled back, unstable on her feet, “Not him too, _please_.”

By ‘ _too_ ,’ she probably meant Ben, but he couldn’t be sure. Half the universe were dead and gone, without a single body to lay to rest.

“May—” He stammered, tightening his hold on her arm, “I couldn’t hold on.”

He’d half-expected her to beat him senseless. Punch, kick and scream until someone had to pry her off. He thought she’d rightfully put all the blame on him because after all, he brought Peter into this mess by giving him those suits.

His heart jumped up into his throat, when she instead, dragged him into a hug and locked her hands around him protectively.

Tony placed his palms flat against her back. The last time he’d held a Parker, they’d slipped away, and this time, he couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m sorry.” He wept, “I’m _so_ sorry.”

May shushed him, as they rocked, side-to-side, united in their grief.

Parenting Peter Parker, together, used to be a shared responsibility. Perfectly balanced between the pair, but at the end of everything, it was a shared suffering.

They’d lost half their universe, and all they could do was hold one another.

**Author's Note:**

> May's reaction to Peter's death was taken from the comic previously mentioned, I was reading it recently, and it fit perfectly for her character.


End file.
